Where has the derech gone?
The following is a dramatization. It represents a growing problem in the Jewish community: kids going off the derech and experimenting.
I wake up at 11 a.m. on Sunday morning. The previous night my friends and I got together to get drunk and smoke a little weed as the minhag is on motzei shabbos for anybody between the ages of 15-25. Shabbos was the usual snooze-fest mixed in with some texting my other off-the-derech friends and surfing the net in my room while I try to hide it from my parents. I watch a little porn Friday night to relax me.
This Sunday morning is the usual: I tell my dad I davened, made brachos, wore tefilin, and did all the other religious things they force down my throat or tell me to do because otherwise I will go to hell. Even before I started to violate the Torah, my davening was slurred, and most of the time I just put on tefilin and ripped it off. Even when I would daven, it might have just been shema and shemona Esrei. It would take me 5 minutes, and all of shachris would take me 15 minutes. Who knows how many times I actually appreciated or considered the Torah I learned in school?
Religion was a fence that I had to stay inside of or else my friends, my family, and I would feel G-d’s wrath. I always wondered what Taco Bell tasted like and what sex felt like. I don’t need to wonder anymore,though. The Rabbis at school said TV and movies were bad, but my parents didn’t seem to care what I was exposed to on TV or in the movies as long as I got good marks. Another 90 on a gemara test meant I could have treated myself to a Whopper and a pack of smokes with my fake ID using the money I made selling pot to freshies. Why did my parents send me there if they weren’t going to abide by the school’s policies?
Why are there so many kids like me? I’m not the only kid who decided to do his or her own thing.
I don’t understand why some boys wear bigger kippas and others wear smaller ones; Some Jews dress in black and white, others wear jeans and t-shirts; Some people are doctors while others learn in kollel; Some girls wear long skirts, others wear short ones; Some keep cholov Yisroel, others don’t; Some women cover their hair, others don’t; Some go to college, others go to Yeshiva.
What the hell do I do? How do I choose? My family is half bais yaacov, half modern orthodox. My friends are the same.
Goyim have it so much easier…
We keep saying that Hashem is merciful (13 attributes), so why can’t he have mercy on me? Why can’t he forgive me?
I don’t even know what’s right and what’s wrong anymore. All I know is that I can’t use electricity on Shabbos or eat treif, but I’m allowed to speak lashon hora, talk in shul, touch my girlfriend, use nivel peh, and not learn Torah because everybody else around me seems to act like that.
People get labelled as frum only because they keep shabbos and kosher? How did this religion get so f!@#$%d up?