What Orthodox Jews can learn from Muslims

It occurred to me that if we were all as devoted to our religion as the extremist Muslims were to theirs, the Reb, I mean, Moshiach would already be here.  I know that not all Muslims are of the “frum” variety, but apparently the Jews aren’t either (Shocked?). Would you say that the  percentage of Jews who are frum equals the percentage of Muslims who are? How bout Modern Orthodox Jews vs. Modern Orthodox Muslims? Do they have issues with head covering, wearing pants, taharos mishpacha, and settling in the Holy Land? Either way, here are some things we should copy from the Muslims in order to further our avoYYdas Hashem.

1) Davening: They pray 5 times, we pray 3 times — I mean come on, no wonder they’re winning the war. You ever notice how they all sit so nicely while Jews walk around and schmooze a bit? You ever see Muslims talking during prayer? All of them have a shuckle per minute equivalent to a super frummie’s shuckel per minute. They are loud, too; especially the recordings you hear in Israel at 5 a.m. and four times thereafter: talk about pirsumei nissa.

2) Dress: The hardcore frum Muslim women cover their entire bodies. In addition to being tznius, it would benefit Jewish women to cover their whole bodies, especially their mouths. After all, some frum Jewish women are known for doing something disgusting with their mouths: davening and learning torah, lo aleinu (but that’s for another post).

3) Names: Are there any super famous frum Jews named Avi Greenberg, Yossi Freedman, or Ari Katz? No. Are there any famous Muslims named Osama Bin Laden, Barack Hussein Obama, and Yasser Arafat? Hell yeah! How intimidating is it to meet a guy named Moshe Rabinowitz? How intimidating is it to meet a guy named Muhammed Khaled Youssuf Al-Amaree ?

4) Central place of worship: Muslims have Mecca, Meddina, and that dome thing; Jews have the Western Wall and 770, but we can’t access all of it. We need another place (not located on Ben Yehudah). I say we build a city of kollels and shuls and yeshivas, we’ll stack it with some of the real gedolim. This makom torah will be in some far out, unheard of place, somewhere like New Jersey…oh wait a minute.

5) Language: When’s the last time you were in chutz l’aretz (chas v’chalila, WE DON’T CONDONE THAT) and you heard people speaking Hebrew? Were you scared? How bout people speaking Arabic? Were you a bit more scared then? Is it more common to hear Arabic on the street than it is to hear Hebrew? We need to be more in touch with our language. What’s scarier to hear before you get blown up in the name of a Holy War: Baruch Hashem, Shema Yisrael, or ALLAHU AKBAR, ALLAHU AKBAR, ALLAHU AKBAR, ALLAHU AKBAR?

6) Hallal: I wonder if Muslims have a concept of “I eat non-Hallal or dairy out” ? I know one of the optional commandments is keeping Kosher, but what if all Jews HAD to eat Kosher. Imagine how much money we’d be making.

7) Sacrificing your kids: I’m not advocating suicide bombing, but it’s time parents gave up their kids to kollel full-time. If the frum Muslims can give their kids up in the  name of Allah, kal vachomer we can force our kids to go to kollel.


Posted on November 23, 2011, in Clothing, Davening, Goyim, Halacha, Kosher and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. Bobby Orr-Somayach

    Over a billion Muslims in the world, 15-20 million Jews. I doubt the Charedi Muslims equals to even 1/20th of the total number of Jews (including questionable Jews as noted by Harav Adam Sandler in the Hannukah Song).


  2. Shikkered Shvigger

    Should we copy this too?


    Taryab Mitzvos, don’t quit your day job. You’re an idiot.


    • Frum From Bathurst

      Hey… not everyone’s a model student. If they were, then they’d just be called students. Every religion has its idiots, losers and black sheep. There is still good in everyone, and there is some good to be taken from other types of people.
      I know that may come off as extremely naive, but hey, it doesn’t help to live with a constantly pessimistic attitude. We should always look for the good in everything (cliche… I know). It’s all gam zu l’tova any way.


  3. Barack Obama isn’t Muslim.


  4. negiah is 4 fags

    .” This makom torah will be in some far out, unheard of place, somewhere like New Jersey…oh wait a minute.”



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